Responding to Student Misbehavior Starts With the Right Question

Responding to student misbehavior often happens in a split second, but what if slowing down is the most powerful move a teacher can make?

A Mindset Shift for Responding to Student Misbehavior in Real Time

Table of Contents

1. Introduction

2. Why the Right Question Changes our Response

3. What Student Misbehavior is Really Saying

4. Why Having More Tools Isn’t the Answer

5. The Space Between Student Misbehavior and Response

6. Reading the Data Beneath the Behavior

A student rolls their eyes. Another refuses to work. And still another storms out, slams a desk, or says something rude enough to make the whole classroom go quiet.

Almost instantly, the same question flashes through our minds: What should I do?

It’s a natural question. A human one.

We’re trained to manage, redirect, correct, and keep the classroom moving. So, when behavior disrupts learning, our instincts kick in fast. 

We have one singular goal: Stop the behavior and stop it NOW.

But here’s the problem.

When “What should I do?” becomes our one and only question, we often skip the most important step in behavior analysis.

Understanding.

Before we choose a response, we need to choose a lens. And the most powerful lens we can use is this one:

What is the student's behavior trying to tell me?

That single shift slows us down cognitively and keeps our prefrontal cortex engaged.

When we’re intentional about responding to student misbehavior, we’re better able to address the moment in front of us while also preventing the same behavior from showing up again later.

When severe behavior occurs, our brains escalate quickly. The student’s nervous system becomes activated, and as a result, ours does as well. It’s called emotional contagion. When the student is in crisis, so are we. When that happens, we move into action mode before we’ve gathered any real information.

Asking “What should I do?” keeps us locked in reaction mode. But asking “What is this behavior trying to tell me?” moves us into interpretation. And interpretation is where real behavior change begins.

Because behavior is not random. It’s not meaningless. And most of the time, though it may feel like it at the moment, it’s not a personal attack.

All behavior is communication. And inappropriate behavior is often a skills gap being expressed the only way the student knows how.

Students don’t always have the language, emotional awareness, or regulation skills to tell us what they’re experiencing. So their nervous system does the talking for them.

Refusal and avoidance can mean:

• “I’m overwhelmed.”

• “I don’t know how to do this.”

• “I don’t trust what’s about to happen.”

• “This feels impossible.”

• “Failure feels worse than a consequence.”

Aggression can mean:

• “I feel threatened.”

• “I don’t feel safe.”

• “I’m out of control and scared of that.”

• “I feel powerless”

When we skip straight to controlling the behavior, we respond only to what we can see on the surface. In doing so, we often unintentionally initiate a power struggle while missing the purpose of the behavior and the underlying need it is meeting for the student.

And when that happens, even well-intended strategies can escalate the situation rather than resolve it.

You might be wondering why you should take time to understand behavior that is extremely disruptive, and at times, dangerous. The answer is twofold.

First, when behavior becomes dangerous, safety protocols are initiated immediately and without hesitation. Understanding never replaces safety.

Second, if we don’t take the time to understand the intent of the behavior and the underlying need driving it, we will almost certainly find ourselves right back here again, often sooner than we expect.

As teachers, we’re often told we need “more strategies.” But strategies only work when they’re matched to the correct function of the behavior.

If a student is dysregulated, a consequence won’t regulate them.

If a student is engaging in avoidance or escape behavior, pressure won’t motivate them.

If a student is protecting themselves, compliance demands will feel too unsafe to follow.

Without asking “What is this behavior trying to tell me?”, we end up throwing tools at a situation instead of addressing what’s actually happening beneath the surface.

That’s why two teachers can respond to the same behavior and get completely different outcomes.

One teacher responds with curiosity and helps the student settle. The other responds with control, initiates a power struggle, and inadvertently escalates the situation.

There’s another reason this question matters so much when it comes to responding to student misbehavior:

It gives you space and helps you control your own nervous system.

When you pause to objectively examine behavior, you interrupt your own escalation cycle. You create a small but powerful buffer between the behavior and your response. 

That buffer is where professionalism lives. It’s where safety lives. It’s where strategy lives.

And students feel that pause as well. They feel when an adult is trying to understand instead of dominate; and they feel when the room shifts from power struggle to problem solving.

It may take a few minutes for their nervous systems to register your words and actions, but their nervous system is searching for safety and very soon they will see you as safe and begin to settle.

That doesn’t mean you ignore behavior or avoid accountability. It means your response is informed and intentional instead of reactive.

When you ask “What is this behavior trying to tell me?”, you start paying attention to different data and you ask different follow-up questions. Questions like:

• What happened right before the behavior?

• What demand, transition, or interaction may have triggered it?

• What skill might the student be missing right now?

• What does this student typically do when they feel overwhelmed, embarrassed, or threatened?

By asking these questions, we are not excusing behavior. We are identifying where it is rooted. And with that understanding, we can begin to teach both student- and teacher-friendly replacement skills, design consequences that actually motivate students to use those skills, and reduce future incidents.

It is natural and instinctual to respond to severe behavior with control. But here’s the quiet truth:

The more we chase control, the less we understand behavior. And the less we understand behavior, the less able we are to change it.

But the opposite is also true.

The more we understand behavior, the less we need control.

Shifting from “What should I do?” to “What is this behavior trying to tell me?” doesn’t make us less effective. It makes us more intentional.

It aligns our responses with how the brain works under stress. It helps us stay regulated when students are not. And it lays the foundation for every strategy that follows.

Because before behavior can change, it has to be understood. And that understanding always starts with the right question.